I have a question for you. How does one balance holding hope in your heart without also creating a powerful attachment to the outcome? Seriously, I’m asking.
To me, this is a spiritual highwire act. Hope and optimism are powerful manifestors. They bring our heart’s desires towards us as surely as moths to a flame. And yet, one of the things that I have noticed in private readings is that people are so afraid of being disappointed, that they will often dare not hope. Or if they do hope, they hold on so tightly to a particular desired outcome, that disappointment may indeed come even if the eventual turn of events is better for them.
Might even make them far happier in the long run. Possibly even in the short run.
Is the emotion of disappointment so horrible… so hard to process… that we will avoid it at all costs?
I mean… obviously life is full of disappointments. That’s eternally annoying, but still true. Life has many joys as well, but I think for many people the disappointments and times of sorrow seem to take root in our brains more firmly than the joys. Or the joys feel fleeting. Or the joys fade away which turns into disappointment and so we see the disappointments as far more numerous.
I’m not a psychologist. I’ve studied the mind (okay, I’ve studied my mind) for decades and it seems to me that the brain (as an instrument of survival) has an irritating habit to be “overprotective” and try to save us from everything negative. Even as that creates negative thoughts and therefore self-fulfilling prophecies.
But let’s go back to the spiritually-based question that I meant for this to be in the first place.
How do we steadfastly hold hope in our hearts while at the same time, not overly or obsessively attach to the outcome?
Two people whose counsel I highly value are both trying to help me learn this lesson right now. The message is “Yes, hold onto the hope! Hold it in your heart and run with it!” The other message is “But also just release it. Just let it unfold. Just see where it goes.” One of them adds “This or something better” to that advice.
Of course, this is great advice. I would whole-heartedly offer this advice to my students or closest friends. But for me, I find it easier said than done. If I’m going to focus on something I’d like to manifest, it’s just my nature to picture it very specifically in my mind. To see it as real and to take actions as if it’s real. Isn’t this the very point of “law of attraction?” And if I do that, then I am going to get excited and “attach” to the outcome I desire. And if that outcome comes into question or seems unlikely, my heart drops like a rock. I feel panic and sadness. And I hate that.
Maybe disappointment really can be just that awful.
But I think that is where I fail myself. From a spiritual standpoint, disappointment is a lack of faith. It’s a show of “no trust in the Divine” that the best thing will eventually happen for us. And (as my friends say) it’s not just “this thing I want,” but also the “this or something better” that sets us up for happiness. Disappointment doesn’t allow for the “something better.”
I also think that this dilemma can be about not feeling safe. If our spiritual beliefs don’t hold up (for example, the law of attraction or our unending desire for signs from the angels), then our basis for reality comes into question. “What if I have all this wrong? What if my beliefs are flawed?” This in turn feels inherently unsafe.
I realized today that “feeling safe” is a super-duper high priority for me. If I feel unsafe in any aspect of my life, I’m pretty much willing to compromise other things that I have in the past considered priorities — just so I can have back my inner feeling of being safe. That could be safe from harm, safe from illness, safe from financial troubles, safe from (insert your concerns here.)
You’re probably thinking that I have an answer to this question. Well no silly, that’s why I’m asking you.
Actually, I’m just kidding. I will offer an answer… or the only answer I have found for myself. The answer is emotional control… and faith …and trust. Reminding myself over and over that there is far more to the situation that I am experiencing than I realize. Faith and trust are part and parcel to a spiritual life. And whatever disappointment arises, something better will come. To paraphrase a favorite movie of mine:
“Whenever the Divine closes a door, somewhere it opens a window.”
That’s the way real manifesting happens. You make a wish and toss your coin, but you have to learn to trust that the Fountain of Source knows how best to fulfill it.
By the way, you have never heard me say that was easy.
If trusting the Divine feels like walking a spiritual tightrope to you these days… then maybe you need a little magic to help you find the balance.