I’m currently in the process of making a big decision. I mean, it’s not a gigantic decision, but it’s still a significant one to me. And what I am increasingly aware of is that it feels like all of my decisions over the last year have been big decisions. Some of them even gigantic. Most of them have felt risky and the one in front of me now feels that way too.
To be frank, I’m tired of that. You know… the risky part?
There is probably no denying that I’m a bit of a “type A” personality. I am very focused on getting things done, making things better, and taking action. Frankly, that way of being has largely been very successful for me. It’s not only been a strategy for accomplishment, but probably even of a survival tactic. That has never been more true than throughout 2024.
However, this mentality has also been the cause of quite a few things that I might label as “mistakes.” When I’m in my objective mode, I tend to look at those “mistakes” as being successes that have not yet been realized. My spiritual beliefs lead me to think that “One day I’ll understand why I was led to make that choice and I’ll see why it was the right thing to do.”
But maybe not today.
My therapist loves my “type A” mentality from the standpoint that I actually follow his advice (apparently few people actually do that in therapy. How odd.) He loves that I take action on my homework, do my journaling, etc,, etc. However, as most swords are double-edged, he also thinks that this mentality is hurting me right now. It’s putting way too much pressure on me and stressing me out.
This brings me back to my “big” decision. The decision has required me to wear my “accountant” hat. And as I have tried to act quickly to gather facts and make a choice, the Universe has pushed back. Every time I try to move forward the response from Source seems to not be a “no”, but more of a “wait.” The challenge there is that I’m just like my 10-month-old puppy… I don’t do the command of “wait” very well. In fact, I rather suck at it.
As I have processed my therapist’s thoughts and concerns, I have started to realize that in 2025 I am being led to let life unfold rather than to seize the day. We tend to glorify the term “carpe diem” but it seems to me that the Universe is telling me to embrace “carpe wait-em and see-em.” I’m being called to slow down time by slowing down myself. The message seems to be “observe life” instead of trying so hard to control it.
If you had asked me how that message would feel even as short a time as a month ago, I would’ve told you there was no way I could manage that. But over the last week, I’ve come to a sort of peace about it. Even a bit of hopeful anticipation.
There’s no question that I’m currently learning what my life is and who I even am. Over the last year, I have tended to not follow my own advice and see this time as a delicious and magical opportunity. Instead, I have wrung my hands and questioned every choice I have made.
Silly Radleigh.
But going forward, I am committing to not doing that anymore. I am determined to slow my silly self down and let life unfold. Because, that is where the true heart healing will come from. And that is how I’ll make my decisions both big and small this year.
But making big changes within ourselves is not always as easy as a declaration. Sometimes it requires help from others.
Turns out, “wait and see” might be the new “carpe diem.” And while I may not love it (yet), I’m learning to make peace with the pause—because healing, clarity, and the right next step often live there.
If you’ve been feeling the nudge to slow down, to stop pushing and start listening, maybe you’re being invited into that same sacred stillness. What would it look like for you to let life unfold… just a little?