As I type this, I find myself in a pre-surgical room at one of the best medical facilities in the country. They just took Lee, (my husband) back for a procedure. Please do not worry, he will be fine. Eventually. However, this injury has been something of a long path to recovery and this procedure is the third attempt to bring him to a place of healing. If it doesn’t work, then we are almost certainly headed for a much more serious full-blown surgery.
Because of this, Lee is particularly nervous today. At one point, we thought he was going to pass out. Or throw up. Once the nurses were sure he was okay, they left the room. As we sat here waiting for them to take him back for his procedure, I could see the fear and worry in his eyes so I started to go to one of my “happy places” in my mind. But then it occurred to me… what if I took Lee with me?
Lee and I love where we live. That being said, there is also another place in the world where we both adore being. So, this is what I said to him “Lee, remember when we visit our “home away from home” and we go to that restaurant on the roof? We always get there at 11am because it’s so popular that that’s the only reservation we can ever get. We’re always the first, second, or third people to be seated on the patio so it’s like having the place to ourselves. The sun shines and the wind softly blows. The weather is perfect. We always look at each other and let out a sigh of contentment as we allow the joy of the moment to blow over us. We look at the beauty around us and we haven’t a care in the world. And then we take a selfie.”
Just then, the nurse came to take him back. I looked at Lee and his eyes were smiling above his mask. As he started to leave, I said “Lee, while you’re back there, in your mind, sit on the patio.”
That’s when it occurred to me to ask myself if I am dodging a possible truth in my life. And that’s when I started typing this blog.
As I said, Lee and I love where we live. But whenever things get tough or there is anxiety in the air, I go sit in my happy chair (see last week’s blog) and the first thing I think about is this other place we also love. I mean come on… my husband is so scared about this procedure that he’s about to pass out and my way of soothing his nerves is to remind him of a memory from there.
So, should we just move? If that’s our “happy place” why don’t we just live there? It is doable. But there would be many hoops to jump through. It wouldn’t be an easy thing. It would be extremely disruptive.
If you ever read my book “How to Be Your Own Genie,” then you know my mother had a fear of regret. Big decisions were enormous obstacles and I’ve known since my 20s that she passed that along to me. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that I really have to keep my own finger on my own pulse in this regard to make sure fear of regret isn’t unduly disempowering my life choices. The challenge here is that we love where we live now. What if we were to move and then realize that we only liked visiting there but don’t actually like living there?
As mistakes go, that would be a doozie!
And yet… this discussion simply never goes away. Lee and I have been batting around this possibility for at least five years.
We as human beings dodge the truth from time to time. The Universe comes a calling with a message and we shield our eyes or convince ourselves it means something else. I have asked for signs in the past about possibly moving and I have never thought I got a clear answer (and I’m the guy who lives for signs!) But maybe I’m just not seeing what’s plainly written on the wall? Or maybe I’m confused because the answer isn’t yes or no, but “not yet.”
Is there a place in your life right now where you might be dodging the truth?
Lee is back. The procedure went as expected. Now we wait. And pray. And hope.
When I get home, I’m going to go sit in my happy chair and think about my happy place.
PS. Thank you for your prayers for Lee. I know y’all and I know it’s the first thing you thought to do.
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