A few years ago, my perception of relationships began to change dramatically. I don’t have all the reasons at my disposal, but I think I just started to get tired. I got tired of saying yes to everyone when I really wanted to say no. I got tired of drama in my life. But I think the thing I got tired of the most was not being my authentic, unique, quirky self. I got tired of tailoring who I was to suit who was in front of me at the moment. I wanted to be purely me.
Now this created a predicament. Let me tell you something important that you need to know: People don’t like it when you change. Actually, let me qualify that by saying that your real friends won’t mind. A truly loving and uplifting life partner won’t mind. But the drama masters you’ve been tailoring your life to. They get really upset when you stop catering to their every whim. When you stop being who they think you should be and start being your own true self, they don’t like that at all. They expect you to just keep giving the same way you always have.
So in order to break out of my cocoon—in order to really fly—I had to deal with those people. And lots of times that meant conflict. In almost every situation it meant releasing those people from my life. I had to learn to say no when that was the right thing for me.
The thing that’s very hard about this is that just because someone is a “drama” type of person, that doesn’t mean that I didn’t like or even love them. They can be amazing people. They’re just . . . exhausting. They drain all your energy and magic and rarely give back in equal measure based on what they take.
Once I decided to start clearing the drama people out of my life, I didn’t do it in any particular order. I didn’t set up a process or sort through the people I knew in an organized fashion. I just became conscious that my life needed cleaning up. So whenever someone would call me, I would check in with myself afterward. If I felt drained, I would stop and think, Okay. Is this how I always feel with this person? And if the answer was mostly yes, I would decide then and there to just let that person go.
How did I do that? I thought you’d ask. But first of all, let me tell you what I didn’t do, I didn’t have a big conversation. I didn’t make my own bunch of drama out of it. I also didn’t keep calling the person. I stopped answering the phone when they would call.
What I did do was ask Raguel, the archangel of relationships, to let that drama person just drift away. I asked Zadkiel, the archangel of memory, to let them forget me.
And let me tell you, this made an amazing change in my life! It was like a tremendous weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I was calmer. I was happier. I was more positive. And I had worlds more energy.
Of course, there are still drama people in my life. After all, there are some people you just can’t release. You may have parents, children, a spouse, or co-workers you have to deal with because you just really have no choice. The best you can do is to limit their impact. But if you scroll through your social-media feeds and your phone’s contact list, I bet you can find a lot of drama queens and kings you do have a choice whether to associate with.
Also, don’t just assume that you have no choice in the matter. I once worked for someone who was unbelievably negative. Empress of the Drama Queens, for sure! You know what I did? I stopped attending her meetings, because that’s when she was the most volatile. I avoided connecting with her whenever possible. So really consider who is truly a “no choice” person.
Now that the majority of these kinds of people are gone, I’m so much happier—and I desperately want the same thing for you! I want you to have the opportunity to love yourself by discovering who you truly are outside the confines of the drama kings and queens of your life. I want you to be free.
What that means is that you’re going to have to learn say no. You’re going have to start cleaning house. You’re going to have to learn that any conflict you experience due to this time of transition—this time of blooming—will be relatively short, and you’ll see when you’re done that every second is worth it.
You’ll have to learn to stand up for what you believe in. You’ll have to be willing to defend your own beliefs and follow the Divine guidance that you’ve been given. More than anything, you have to do whatever it takes to be who you truly are rather than the diluted you that’s busy being who everyone wants you to be.
So I want you to repeat the following phrases after me.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, I just can’t do that.”
“I understand where you’re coming from, but that just isn’t in line with my own integrity, so I’m going to have to decline.”
“I hope you’ll understand, but what you’re asking of me feels like the wrong thing for me right now.”
And then one more time . . .
Below you will find an exercise from my book, How to Be Your Own Genie that can help you with this process. If it resonates for you, then give it a try.
What have you got to lose? Except a lot of drama in your life.
Lesson #15 of the Genie Academy from How to Be Your Own Genie: Drama-People Release Exercise
Grab a piece of paper, a pen, and whatever device you use to list people’s names and addresses. Think about all the people you regularly interact with. Look over your phone’s contact list, your address book, and your social-media feeds. Notice whether you feel positive or anxious when you read someone’s name or think about them. Then write down the names of all the people whom you have a negative reaction to.
Next, look at each name and decide if you have a choice about whether you interact with them or not. Really think about it. Don’t just assume you have no choice. Maybe you can at least limit your contact. If they’re a “no choice” person, take them off your list.
For the people left on your list, seriously think about what they take from you and what they give back. How balanced are the scales? Why do you want them in your life? For anyone where you feel the negatives are balanced by the positives, mark them off your list.
The names left on your list are your drama people. Time to let them go.
I would highly encourage you not to make a big dramatic experience out of releasing your drama masters. They’ll just take it as their chance to play victim and throw guilt and all kinds of negativity your way. And isn’t that why you’re releasing them in the first place, to get away from that?
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